'Speaker of the House'

(to the tune of "Master of the House", from Les Miserables)

Welcome, Monsieur, sit yourself down

And meet the worst lawmaker in town

As for the rest, they're also crooks,

But ones who lack those dashing good looks.

Lifting weights while he

Woos the RNC

A gent of cruel intent

Representing ye...

Speaker of the House, leading them in style,

Ready with his steady eyes and constant smile.

Pats a couple backs, shakes a couple hands,

Tries to orchestrate all of his latest plans.

Glad to do the rich a favor

Doesn't cost him to be nice

But nothing is for nothing

Someone else will have to pay the price!

Speaker of the House, tweaker of the poor,

Ready to be sure that they all know the score.

With the ACA, he thought we should wait.

Paul Ryan then said, "Let's have honest debate."

Yet with no CBO assessment,

Now that it's his turn at last,

Says we need no budget,

"Fudge it, let's just get this sucker passed!"

Speaker of the House, quick to cut some tax

Never wants a burden on the fatcats' backs.

Known to be a wonk, has ambitions grand,

His favorite philosopher is still Ayn Rand.

He has said for Christmas presents,

He gives people "Atlas Shrugged".

I am thinking maybe

Baby Paul Ryan was never hugged.

The AHCA, fast-tracked through the House,

Though nobody's read the bill, they have no doubts.

Read before you vote? That's a silly dream.

Representatives just vote for their own team.

Integrity isn't welcome,

Just blindly support your side,

Pass the legislation,

Later you'll find out what it provides...

Charge 'em through the nose, triple I suppose,

Pre-existing conditions, well who has those?

Cancer clearly counts, Pregnancy does too,

There's a decent chance that it may include you.

Nearly one third of the nation,

Will be on this awful list.

Coverage insufficient, can't afford physicians,

If your own conditions pre-exist.

I used to dream of Congress run with heart,

But God almighty, clearly they don't play the part...

Speaker of the House? Keeps his masters paid,

Wants to cut a trillion bucks from Medicaid.

15 million folks, join the uninsured,

But the millionaires will pay less to be cured.

Gut funds for the schools and nature, that's the mission of this louse.

Things are looking bleaker, with the current Speaker of the House.

Speaker of the House

Speaker full of gas!

Conservative thinker

Don't make me laugh!

Tweaker of the poor, helps the Wall Street set

Cuts domestic spending yet still runs up debt!

Everybody bless Paul Ryan!

Don't listen to those who grouse!

Everybody raise a glass!

Raise it if his bills don't pass!

Everybody raise a glass to the Speaker of the House!

Seth Brown is an award-winning humor columnist, the author of "From God To Verse," and his new musical "Punslingers" opens May 17th at the Orlando Fringe Festival. His website is RisingPun.com.


If you'd like to leave a comment (or a tip or a question) about this story with the editors, please email us. We also welcome letters to the editor for publication; you can do that by filling out our letters form and submitting it to the newsroom.

Powered by Creative Circle Media Solutions