The Play-Doh column

Not to be outdone by Jessie Watters of Watters World on Fox News, our own learned Alden Graves, from his perch at the Northshire Book Store, has accomplished that which very few columnists have ever done. Congratulations Mr. Graves, you have not only rewritten history in your own fabricated and imaginable way, you have accomplished the enviable position of being both the town crier and the village idiot which is no easy task.

It is time for you to move-up. Perhaps the New York Slimes or the Washington Compost could use a man of your talents and steadfast devotion to the socialists' agenda. Your broad appeal to millions of self-loathing Americans, your disdain for the Constitution, abhorrence for capitalism and denier of the truth might even lead to a Pulitzer Prize. Your departure from the mundane task of providing newsprint to line the cages of local parakeets would be missed except that the Banner resourcefully maintains back-up sources of nameless naysayers to fill the void.

You might even find a more appealing roost, in between never-never land and fantasyland to become a legend in your own mind.

— Alan M. Wachstein Bennington