Seth Brown

I don’t own a car.

While this means I generally have to get rides with friends if I don’t want to rely on the BRTA (Head to party at 6 p.m. Saturday. Next bus back? Monday morning!) what often surprises people most is how I managed to afford my extensive game collection. And the answer to that is simple: Priorities.

Many people would prioritize having a car above having a game collection. But gaming is a priority for me because it provides so much of what life fails to offer: Moral choices with obviously right and wrong answers, clear objectives with immediate rewards for completing them, a sense of progress with positive feedback, and the ability to launch mystic fireballs from my hands to lay waste to my enemies without fear of dying because I have plenty of extra lives. In comparison, a car seems unimportant.

Admittedly, there’s also the fact that I am a terrible driver who, during my license exam, may have not only run a few stop signs and turned into an oncoming traffic lane, but almost broadsided a parked car. So really, I am doing a public service by not driving, even if it goes largely unappreciated.

Still, we get to choose our own priorities in accordance with our own volition. One of my frequent priorities at home is, "I don’t want to take two trips up and down the stairs." And because of this, last night I found myself carrying two mugs full of water in one hand and a large bowl of snack mix in the other hand, which became especially challenging when I had to turn off the light in the room I was leaving, which required me to place the bowl of snackmix on a wobbly box that I steadied by pressing down on the opposite side with both mugs while I used my former snackmix hand to quickly turn off the light and then grab the snack bowl again. All in the name of efficiency, of course.

My number one priority is probably comedy. I remember doing an improv show a few years ago where the audience suggestion was "Peru." And because I really believe in craftsmanship, I sang an impromptu musical number that was filled not only a whole bunch of good rhymes, but a few really funny lines. And my carefully-crafted comedy was marred only slightly by the fact that I sang a beautiful song about the enchanting island of Peru, given that Peru is what geographers technically refer to as "not an island in any way," being a South American country adjacent to Ecuador.

Some people might consider this to make the song a failure, but if the entertainment value is good, sometimes a factual error is less important if that’s the priorities that I (or Fox News) decided to focus on.

So while a few of you may have emailed me after my previous column to point out that the Ides of April would technically be not on the 15th but on the 31st, my priority is always going to be the pacing. And you might well ask, "Why is walking back and forth important for writing comedy?" Well, there’s a simple answer:

I don’t own a car.

Seth Brown is an award-winning humor writer, the author of "From God To Verse," and a pedestrian comedian. His website is RisingPun.com.