This is the first time in days I’ve even tried to write,
Because I’ve been suffering under an unpleasant plight.
And there’s a simple cause, not just some vague reason:
I’ve been sick, so for me most of the past week
Has been passed weak.
And I’m just now recovered enough to write a column
About my various symptoms, and I will tell you about all ‘em.
(I know some folks will judge these verses rashly,
But I can’t help but scribble Ogden Nashly.) A COLD MAY SEEM FUN, BUT IT’SNOT
There’s a party in my nose, and nobody’s invited.
I assure you, to be non-present, you will be delighted.
In spite of the lack of people, there is an abundance of free-flowing liquid
I am sickuid.
I would definitely say that it is becoming an issue
As I have already gone through an abundance of tissue
And the constant post-nasal dripping and dropping
Has shown absolutely no sign of stopping.
Sometimes I wonder, is there an end in sight to me feeling illy?
A PAIN IN THE BRAIN
The ceaseless pulsing pain inside my head
Has filled me with a sort of dread
Because I’m not really looking forward to the rest of the day
If it doesn’t go away.
It’s actually similar to Edgar Allen Poe’s famous Tell-Tale Heart,
At least in part.
There’s a quiet rhythmic pounding that I can’t ignore,
Which makes focusing on anything else quite the chore.
And of course there’s the possibility that in spite of what I’ve said,
All this pain and pounding is all in my head.
Admittedly, one difference is that for my headache I bear no guilt,
Since it wasn’t caused by someone I had recently kilt,
So from that similarity, my situation is exempted.
But if murder would solve this headache, I’d be sorely tempted.
LESS WHOOPING, MORE SOUPING
Each time I must let out a cough,
I tell my body "Knock it off!"
I’m drinking warm and honeyed tea,
And kept my workplace pollen-free.
I’ve downed three bowls of homemade soup,
And yet I can’t control this croup.
With every cough, I’ll also note,
It pains my back and strains my throat.
The only upside, knock on wood:
At least the soup was pretty good.
MY DREAM IS TO GET SOME SLEEP SO I CAN HAVE MY DREAM
It’s not as if I have any particular schedule to keep,
But people who are sick are supposed to sleep,
And all the aforementioned nasal liquid giving me that dripping feeling
Is now congealing
Making it difficult to continue respiration.
This is not a sleep-conducive situation.
And I worry that I’m keeping my girlfriend awake.
I hope not, for her sake.
Because there’s an old saying that "Amor vincit omnia,"
But not insomnia.
Seth Brown is a freelancer writing for cash, and when he grows up wants to be Ogden Nash. His work appears weekly in the Banner, and weakly on RisingPun.com.